What constitutes friendship? The sharing of secrets? Having the same interests? A feeling of kinship?
This has been going through my mind the last few days, as I deal with one friend stepping out of my everyday life, and the void that remains.
Some of the people I have considered true friends, were not the ones I shared every minute detail of my life with, but were the people I could be comfortable with, in nearly every setting, without the worry of having to keep them entertained, or any concern of offending them. Some people you just know how to act around, without forcing the issue, and without walking on egg shells to prevent confrontation.
Can you be friends with someone who does not share your interests? I don’t think so, not totally anyway. It is possible, if you have a connection on some other level. You may like completely different types of movies, music, etc., but at the same time, have a similar sense of humor, therefore you can bond in friendship.
I don’t think I could be friends with someone who does not share, or at least get my sense of humor. I could not be friends with someone who was too emotionally needy (I am needy enough to cover that). I cannot be friends with someone who is overly uptight, churchy or is an extremist in any way, because their behavior would get under my skin. I could not be friends with someone who consistently irritates me.
Now, I am not saying that people with these clashing factors cannot socialize, or that it prevents them from being friendly acquaintances, but anything deeper, for me, would be impossible.
I am not an overly social person. I have few people, besides my husband right now that I have a desire to socialize with outside of work. People often think that I am bitchy or snobbish because of this, but it just is not something I enjoy doing. I don’t often socialize with people that smoke, people that have children, people that like to cause a scene or people that are not very intelligent. It’s just a personal choice that I have made in my social life, and I don’t feel bad or guilty because of that.
My husband, on the other hand, feels some need to reach out to people who don’t have many friends, or when he feels as if he might benefit with his friendship. This annoys me because I don’t always like having people at my house or hanging out with us, regardless of who they are outside of my tiny ring of friends, but I also know that I should just give him free rein to spread his goodwill or whatever.
Maybe I am selfish, but I also like to spare my brain cells from stupidity and stress. :)
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