deletedItems: Life, Love and the Pursuit of Zombies.

It has been too damn hot in Missouri this week. Hot enough to….umm…well, it’s been hot. I did not even want to venture out into the 105 degree, 100% humidity, too damn hot weather this weekend.

I did manage to spend about an hour at a barbecue, caught a movie and rented the second season of Dead Like Me. God I love that show!! If you have not seen it, I recommend picking up the first season on DVD. If you like a slightly off kilter sci-fi comedy, complete with off-color life lessons and sarcastic humor, then DLM is the perfect match. It has a couple dull moments here and there, but for the most part it is a very interesting show.

I also want to give a couple of for the new movie The Island. I was quite impressed with both the acting and the cinematography of this movie. Check it out this week.

A few other changes, besides the obvious car related crap, has rounded out the past couple of weeks. I had a change in my anxiety medication, as I mentioned before. Unfortunately, quitting the other meds cold turkey, and the fact that the new meds will not take effect for a couple of weeks, is making me rather edgy. Panicky is more like it. Worried about my car, my job, my weight and my home…ugh. Quite irritating, and frustrating. At any rate, I hope it takes a shortcut through my neuro-pathways and makes me feel all warm and fuzzy soon. Actually, cool and collected would be a pleasant change. I have felt warm and fuzzy for too damned long. Ohh…for the snow to come back. Please snow…come back.

Hmm…other than that, I cannot think of anything interesting that is pending or that has happened recently.

Oh wait…that’s right. I mentioned weight earlier. In spite of the fact that I was not able to work out for awhile due to my accident, I only gained a pound of my weight back, so I have not lost that much ground, thank God. My biggest fear is that I will get old and fat before my time, and die young. I really don’t want to die, can’t imagine it. It isn’t death itself that I fear, but rather, I like living. I like it a lot. I want to live and experience the changes in the world…good and bad. I want to watch people grow, and watch the changes in commerce and technology…I don’t fear change, I don’t want to stop the never ending tide that makes us go forward, but hell…I don’t want to die, or be incapacitated to the point where life is a burden rather than a joy. I have been down that road, and I don’t want to go down it again. That’s why I try to squeeze at least a little enjoyment, in some form, out of every day. I am NOT saying that I am cheerful, that I go around singing or that I bake people cookies on their birthdays…hell no. I am a royal bitch most of the time. I am protective of myself, my husband and my life. That’s why I am prickly most of the time…I want to keep people out that might be a threat to me in some way. There are so many ways I view others as threats, or as undesirable acquaintances. I dislike those who remind me of the people who populated my world when I was most unhappy…which is why I have an aversion to those who seem trashy, as welfare leeches, as mooches or unhygienic. I don’t think I could ever extend much friendship to those types. I keep those away who are overly assertive or aggressive, because they threaten the peaceful life I have created. I keep those away who are overly flirty or promiscuous, because I tend to get caught up in that frame of mind again, which is when I start to hate myself. I don’t like people who are overly hyper, or outgoing, because they only will try to make me into something I’m not. Maybe I don’t want to be chipper, or social, or outgoing. Maybe it’s ok that I’m me. The world is made up of all kinds…even my kind. :) At any rate, I’m not bitchy because I’m a mean person, or that I want to cause harm, I am just clutching to the frail life my husband and I have made with both hands, and I’ll be damned if I would let it go.

Sheesh. Once I get on a tangent, I don’t shut up do I? That’s what happens when I put off blogging until the end of the weekend. Next week I have several days of doctor appointments, car appointments, workouts, blah blah blah and more blah, so I am sure I will be exhausted and will likely not blog much. Sooo…until later, love you all!!