I'm really fucking depressed right now. I really hate the fact that I am having so much trouble coping with even the smallest problem in my life. I get a past due bill in the mail today (didn't even know the bill is due) and start freaking out. Not the crying or screaming kind of freaking out, but an internal turmoil that I cannot even describe. My automatic response is that it has to be fixed NOW. Not tomorrow, NOW. Then, I think my husband is going to yell at me. Finally, I think "I can't go to college…I can't afford college!!". I have had so many mini panic attacks in the last week and a half that I have lost count of them all. Two hypchondriac episodes (one I am still struggling with), many work freak outs that I had to either drink or medicate myself through (sleep meds and 12 hours of sleep), at least one self-inflicted guilt trip, feeling like a loser because I have no motivation to lose weight and an extreme paranoia that if I gain one more pound I am going to stop eating. 

DAMN IT TO HELL!!!! I thought I was going to be better, but I am feeling so mentally and emotionally fucked up right now that I don't know what to do. I am more depressed than I remember being in a long, long time.