deletedItems: Life, Love and the Pursuit of Zombies.

Weight Loss Program

A man was ordered by his doctor to lose 75 lb. due to very serious health
risks.

As he wondered how in the heck he would ever do it, he ran across an ad inthe newspaper for a GUARANTEED WEIGHT LOSS PROGRAM.

“Guaranteed. Yeah right!” he thought to himself. But desperate, he calls
them up and subscribes to the 3-day/10 pound weight loss program.

The next day there’s a knock at his door, and when he answers, there stands
before him a voluptuous, athletic, 19 year old young lady dressed in nothing
but a pair of Nike running shoes, short shorts, a halter top, and a sign
round her neck.

She introduces herself as a representative of the weight loss company. The
sign reads, “If you can catch me, you can have me!”

Without a second thought he takes off after her. A few miles later, huffing
and puffing, he finally catches her and is too tired to have his way with
her.

After they are rested and she leaves, he thinks to himself, “I like the way
this company does business!” The same girl shows up for the next two days
and the same thing happens.

The fourth day, he weighs himself and is delighted to find he had lost 10 lb
as promised.

He calls the company and orders their 5-day/20 pound program. The next day
there’s a knock at the door and there stands the most stunning, beautiful,
sexy woman he has ever seen in his life, wearing nothing but Reebok running
shoes, a tiny weeny thong bikini and a sign around her neck that read, “If
you catch me, you can have me.”

He’s out the door after her like a shot.

This girl is in excellent shape and it takes him a very long while to catch
her, but when he does, he is cramping and wheezing and can not take
advantage of the situation. For the next four days, the same routine happens
and much to his delight, on the fifth day he weighs himself and found he has
lost another 20 lb as promised.

He decides to go for broke and calls the company to order the 7-day/50 pound
program. “Are you sure?” asks the representative on the phone.

“This is our mo st rigorous program.” “Absolutely,” he replies, “I haven’t
felt this good in years.

The next day there’s a knock at the door and when he opens it he finds a
muscular guy standing there wearing nothing but pink running shoes and a
sign around his neck that reads,

“If I catch you, you’re mine.”