I’m closer now than I think I have ever been to accepting myself as being a person worth knowing. Even when I was skinny and I looked great and hadn’t made a million mistakes, I was still unsatisfied with myself.
I think I will go for a walk tomorrow, maybe with my camera.
I always think about people, I’m even a little judgemental sometimes, when I probably should just not think about it at all. I have let people in, in my affairs and in my life, that I would trust totally with secrecy, with information, with just about anything and had it completely blow up in my face. I can never, ever let someone have me by the balls like that again, and in order for me to even open up a teensy bit to someone, I have to measure them up, test them and then sit back and wait for the blast.
I’ve been looking back, at the friendships and the people I once thought were so awesome, and getting close to them in one way or another made me realize what a complete and total loser they are. Maybe to someone else, their behaviour would be fine, but to me, I have no use for people who say and do things that are harmful to themselves and of no benefit to me. Does this make me a terrible friend? Yeah, probably…but that’s why I don’t befriend people.
To those who HAVE earned and kept my trust, I loves you!
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