I’m 25 years old. I feel like I’ve barely reached adulthood and that I’ve still got a ton of learning and growing to do. My thoughts and ideas about life, love, religion and politics had grown, morphed, flipped and flopped over the last 5 years or so. My relationships with friends, family and my husband have certainly changed, and I find myself wishing that I could go back and salvage relationships that I have shattered with my destructive personality in the past. However, I do realize that being hurt and hurting others can be a part of growing, maturing and moving on. It’s hard though, once you do reach a point that you can look back and somewhat understand why you did what you did, to not expect or at least desire that others realize that the new incarnation of you is better.

Yes, part of life is the ability to leave scars and impressions, but I often feel like I’ve dealt more than I have received. At times I do feel sorry for myself and try to justify my actions based on negative experiences I’ve had in the past, but I can never really allow myself to do that. It feels like a cop out and I have always disapproved of people who blame their actions on someone else. Maybe I am too hard on myself, or maybe I just do not have enough willpower to face those things that I feel formed me into the person I became.

Either way, I hold true to the fact that others may have made you the person you are, but who you become is in your hands.

All I can do is stand and fight against the parts of me I hate, grow the parts of me I love, and hope to find a little peace along the way.

Thank you to everyone who has lent a helping hand along the way. My deepest apologies to those I’ve hurt, used or mistreated. I hope that you can someday forgive me.

Love Always,
B