Several of my friends/coworkers have recently gotten engaged, and while I do offer my congrats, I harbor some feelings about marriage as it stands today.

There’s no time like the present to voice those opinions.

First off, I AM married, and I have been since 2003. I love my husband, and there’s very little I would change about our relationship.

My rant is not about monogamy, commitment or the desire to profess your lifelong love to the person of your choice.

My rant is about the role of government in marriage, and how seriously fucked up the whole idea of it being a government recognized institution.

First off, there’s the ongoing social stigma, that while it has decreased in recent years, still exists, especially in very conservative and/or religious circles. Basically, if you plan on sharing a house with someone of the opposite sex, and you are in a romantic relationship, then you should get married, preferably before signing that lease. I have no problem with this concept as a general rule. If your religion of choice dictates that you should pledge your commitment via a ceremony prior to cohabitation or sexual relations, but all means…get a clergy/priest/reverend and have a ceremony. Exchange rings, break a glass or whatever your cultural tradition is, and pledge yourself to the person of your choice.

I in no way think that you should have to get a state-issued document stating that you are joined to another person. It’s invasive, and pointless. In addition, when a person is “legally” married, receive perks, such as lower insurance on vehicles, legal rights to each others’ possessions, etc.. On the flip side, married people get penalized, primarily through taxation. If you choose to separate from the person you are legally married to, you are forced to run the gauntlet through the legal system in order to do so. 

I think that if you do want to bring a legal aspect into your relationship, a simple co-habitation agreement (similar to a pre-nup) would suffice. If you are entering into a relationship with someone, or even moving into a home with a roommate, then it would be wise to have an agreement stating that you are going to share assets, and if you go your separate ways, they will be split in a pre-determined manner. If you are retaining separate assets, of which it would be your responsibility to re-asses your belongings and submit that report on a regular basis (say annually or when you make a big purchase) to a records keeper, or even online. This would encourage people to keep track of their home inventory and use more discretion when choosing a person to occupy a home with. 

I would not go as far as to say that such agreements would be required, but I would encourage the use of them, to prevent or lessen disputes. I do not think state or local governments should be involved, rather, the process should be handled by private attorneys unless there is a major dispute that requires the involvement of a court. The creation of the document and the filing thereof would be handled by a lawyer for a nominal fee. 

Basically, I believe that less government involvement in our personal, private lives would be a great thing. It would eliminate the dispute over gay marriage, polygamy etc..

If your decisions in your personal life do not infringe upon, or cause harm to others, then you should be free to make those decisions without government interference.