I’ve had people ask me what has changed about me over the past few years, and even over the past few months.

I can think of a few things off the top of my head. :)

1) Self-preservation has kicked in, big time. I find myself being much less self-destructive and more likely to protect me and my own over the last year or so than I have in the past. I know now more than even that I am not promised anything, and the world owes me nothing. Zilch. Nothing in my past and nothing I have done for anyone, ever, has afforded me any special treatment or any guarantee that I am not going to be totally screwed tomorrow. Therefore, I do all I can in pretty much everything I do to preserve my life, my security, my relationship and my well-being. It’s been awhile since anyone has actually threatened me, my family or my well being, but to those who have in the past, I wholeheartedly say FUCK YOU.

2) I have some goals! This has been a big one for me over the past couple of years. I stopped kicking around a lot of random ideas that likely were never going to happened, and just decided to DO something. Granted, I haven’t gone at it full tilt, I know enough about my own tendency to tire of things if it’s too stressful for too long. I’m taking some classes, saving money and maintaining my lifestyle with my husband in a way that allows me to be content now, but still focused on the goals ahead.

3) I have no fucking clue who I am. It’s true. I know I am not a great friend, and I am an even worse family member because of my level of selfishness. I think about it every day, and honestly try to put some thought into my actions and be a nicer person. It’s not easy when you fall into the habit of not caring. I am still really freakin’ anti-social, and I can’t really pinpoint why.

I’m sure there are other ways I’ve changed, but these are the things that come to mind. :)