deletedItems: Life, Love and the Pursuit of Zombies.

Atomic Bombshell posted a questionnaire recently that I found to be really interesting, so I decided to post it myself here, with my own answers of course. :)

1. At what age do you wish to marry? I am already married, I was married at age 21. I have views about marriage that I won’t get into at the moment, but I do feel that if someone is going to make a lifelong commitment to someone, it doesn’t really matter what age you are. The only defining factor is if you are doing it for the right reason, and if you are ready to do the work that every relationship requires.

2. What color do you like most? I always like shades of gray, but lately I’ve been loving purple a lot!

3. Where is the place that you want to go the most? This changes with every passing year. I would love to travel to Europe, and I would love to visit Alaska and Canada as well.

4. Which part of you do you hate the most? The fact that I repeatedly sabotage my own contentment without intending to.

5. When you encounter a sad moment, what would you do? In the past, I would generally shut myself off from emotions, and I still do that to some extent.

6. What are you afraid to lose the most? My husband.

7. If you win $1 million, what would you do? Pay off my bills, buy a nice house and finish school. Wait, I don’t need a million dollars to do that. :)

8. What’s your wish for the year ahead? Be happier!!

9. How did you celebrate the New Year? Haha, actually, I just got my new laptop on New Year’s Eve, so I spent the evening playing with it, then watched the ball drop on TV. :)

10. Why did you start blogging and why will you continue to do so in 2008? I started the way many people do; to provide an outlet to my thoughts and feelings on things that matter to me. I’ve never been articulate, and I have a hard time expressing things face to face. I’m not a great writer, but I am more likely to be able to get my point across with a blog post I can spend an hour on.

11. Which type of person do you hate the most? People who will not take responsibility for their actions, and have no desire to change or better themselves. I’ve fallen into this category in the past, but I am very careful to point the finger at ME when push comes to shove. Otherwise, I just feel dirty.

12. What is your ambition? Basically, I just want to be happy, and I want my husband to be happy. All my goals point to that.

13. If you had one wish what would you wish for? See #12

14. Name a body part your significant other tells you he adores: My skin.

15. What is the best gift you can give someone this year? Taco Bell. :D

16. List two of your new year’s resolutions: I don’t really like to make resolutions, but I would like to finish a couple college classes and learn to prioritize my time a little better.

17. A picture that pretty much sums 2007 for you: Probably this one.

18. What are two things you were most thankful for in 2007 that will make you even happier in 2008? My husband, always.

19. What was the best lesson you learned in 2007? Never take people for granted.

20. Are you doing what you thought you’d be doing at this stage in your life? Not exactly. :)

I’m 25 years old. I feel like I’ve barely reached adulthood and that I’ve still got a ton of learning and growing to do. My thoughts and ideas about life, love, religion and politics had grown, morphed, flipped and flopped over the last 5 years or so. My relationships with friends, family and my husband have certainly changed, and I find myself wishing that I could go back and salvage relationships that I have shattered with my destructive personality in the past. However, I do realize that being hurt and hurting others can be a part of growing, maturing and moving on. It’s hard though, once you do reach a point that you can look back and somewhat understand why you did what you did, to not expect or at least desire that others realize that the new incarnation of you is better.

Yes, part of life is the ability to leave scars and impressions, but I often feel like I’ve dealt more than I have received. At times I do feel sorry for myself and try to justify my actions based on negative experiences I’ve had in the past, but I can never really allow myself to do that. It feels like a cop out and I have always disapproved of people who blame their actions on someone else. Maybe I am too hard on myself, or maybe I just do not have enough willpower to face those things that I feel formed me into the person I became.

Either way, I hold true to the fact that others may have made you the person you are, but who you become is in your hands.

All I can do is stand and fight against the parts of me I hate, grow the parts of me I love, and hope to find a little peace along the way.

Thank you to everyone who has lent a helping hand along the way. My deepest apologies to those I’ve hurt, used or mistreated. I hope that you can someday forgive me.

Love Always,
B

I’ve been thinking a lot about music availability (or the lack of) lately.

As it stands, you can buy a CD, or download music (legally or not). There’s really not been a lot of crossover between the online world of music and the slowly-fading record store. I once loved going to a record store, especially a used one, to buy CDs or just to see what was available. Now, I get my music almost exclusively online. I stopped shopping at an actual store when I bought my iPod.

I found myself wishing there was a way to tie online shopping and physical shopping together. Turns out, there is, in the form of a digital media kiosk. I had the idea, but I wasn’t sure if anyone had developed such a thing yet. It has been developed by a couple different kiosk companies, but I’ve yet to see any record companies or chains adopting it.

Here’s the basic idea. A mall, record store or other retail establishment places a kiosk at their location. The kiosk, likely complete with a touch-screen or keyboard, would be linked to an online digital music/media store. You would search for the music you want, then swipe your credit card to purchase the tracks. Alternatively, there could be Paypal support or the option to login to an account that could be billed. A USB port on the kiosk would allow for the delivery of music files to your device. Obviously for iPod, there would need to be a bit of software to allow transport to the iPod, but most other players could be attached and downloaded to with no problem.

What if the USB port malfunctions, there’s a power outage or other issues before you can get your music? Each transaction will include a unique code, which stores what files you’ve purchased. This code could be printed on a receipt or emailed to you. This would allow you to take your device to a different kiosk or home to your personal computer, enter the code, and download the files. This would, of course, have to be limited to a certain number of downloads. For instance, you can use the same code to view/download your MP3s 3-5 times. Another bonus to using a limited use code system is the possibility of gifting MP3 downloads from the kiosk. Stop by the kiosk, enter a friends email or mailing address, and a code is sent to them so they can download music at home or a kiosk nearby.

Speaking of MP3s, the kiosk would certainly need to carry a standardized media format, preferably MP3, so that any PMP or USB flash drive could be used to download the tracks.

I really think the kiosk would be a great idea. You hear a song on XM, on the radio, or while sitting in a restaurant, and you want to get the song before you forget what it was? Go to the nearest kiosk and download it!

Well, that’s my food for thought today, I am off to work. :)